Friday Nights

I worked. I made some amazing nachos thanks to the local cheese dip I purchased. I only bought 5 items to make these nachos..$34 dollar nachos ..ugh* facepalm 

Tonight- alone I’m listening to my silly spotify project- to make the saddest playlist of all time. A dangerous playlist to create because it might just end in tears. I don’t know why it amuses me or makes me laugh every time I think of this playlist. I guess its because most playlists are just songs of the moment, infatuation, joyful pieces or used for work, exercise, etc. I wanted to create a playlist of the most heartfelt music that I’ve experienced in movies, my childhood, growing up, college, and my taste influenced by people in my life as well mirroring our memories etc. 

I included my mom and dad’s wedding song “Time in a bottle”. I included songs that Michael and I have cried together to like the song I sung in his ear during an evening picnic or the one that reminds us of our unborn children. The song my sister, Amber, gave me when I was a lost, wandering soul in college. Songs I’d sing on top of my parents’ coffee table in the living room [when they were not home, it wasn’t allowed]..or the songs that would play on my radio cradled in my lap as I leaned my face close breathing in the music for hours after getting home from middle/high school. A song that reminds me of my brother’s illness. The song my sister, Karissa, played on an out of tune, antique piano after all the wedding guests had left the house where Amber’s wedding took place. Songs about failed relationships- between lovers, parent & child, friends etc. The classical song my sister liked to hear on a cassette tape before going to sleep. Songs from movies that made me cry. A song that mimics the speed at which life and time passes. Melancholy songs that seem to warm/comfort, slap you on the back, and push whisky down your throat all at once.

It might not be the saddest playlist of all time- But i think its the saddest playlist of my “time” on this Earth thus far.

I might read after I’ve finished listening.

I’ll wash my face, put on my pjs, and sleep soundly.

Tomorrow will be breakfast with friends and then heading into work. I really look forward to mondays, tuesdays, or wednesdays…because usually I get time off work and then Im almost always spending time with Michael 🙂

I wish I had my family albums to look at right now- to see all my siblings as kids, memories of summers in Ohio..I don’t know why..I just want to see my life, our lives…spread in pictures, memories that were once alive, breathing, real.. reality with no sight of the future that would unfold before us ..remembering how I felt in every moment never knowing years later i would be holding the only remaining memory of that reality that has faded and then disappeared as quickly as a candle’s lost flame. And one day in the future I will look on this moment and those that follow with the same fondness and sadness that go hand in hand with remembering.

“Yesterday when I was young,
The taste of life was sweet as rain upon my tongue,
I teased at life as if it were a foolish game,
The way the evening breeze may tease a candle flame;
The thousand dreams I dreamed,
The splendid things I planned
I always built, alas,
on weak and shifting sand;
I lived by night and shunned the naked light of day
And only now I see how the years ran away.

* Yesterday, when I was young,
So many happy songs were waiting to be sung,
So many wayward pleasures lay in store for me
And so much pain my dazzled eyes refused to see,

I ran so fast that time and youth at last ran out,
I never stopped to think what life was all about
And every conversation I can now recall concerned itself with me, and nothing else at all.

Yesterday the moon was blue,
and every crazy day brought something new to do,
I used my magic age as if it were a wand,
and never saw the waste and emptiness beyond;
The game of love I played with arrogance and pride
and every flame I lit too quickly, quickly died;
The friends I made all seemed somehow to drift away
And only I am left on stage to end the play.
There are so many songs in me that won’t be sung,
I feel the bitter taste of tears upon my tongue,
The time has come for me to pay for Yesterday
When I was Young.”

Rainy Day

Today’s weather has led to plenty of wardrobe malfunctions. It has been cloudy, cold, rainy, sunny, hot, humid, and then monsoon extravaganza. At least I’m warm and dry cuddling with the cats, listening to music, and pushed the window 2 inches upwards for the perfect symphony of rainy Fridays.

The highlights wrapped in gold:

*I visited the family today and had a delightful vegan feast with a coworker at dinner time.

*Camera Obscura released their new album today [Thank you, for the music! Quick shout out: I love you Tracyanne Campbell!]

*Looked into several practical items of the day: owning vs renting a house, a new car opportunity, and of course, sewing classes….

Okay, so maybe the latter one is shafted by the overwhelming responsibility of the other two…However, I am really interested in learning to alter and sew my own clothes. The sewing shop I looked at offered 6 classes for $125.

*Not preggo. Just putting that out there before I complete my next thoughts. My husband and I have decided to make a try for parenthood at a “go with the flow” pace. So, I am not sure if I’m pregnant yet, but here’s hoping.

I am excited about the changes that lie ahead of us. Already, I am taking greater care of my health than ever before.

I’m no longer drinking alcohol, cut my coffee to one cup, eating healthier, and enjoying some consistent exercise. And no longer shoveling cat poo from the litter box [Win! Thanks, Hubby]

Let’s talk supplements! 

Prenatal multivitamin- Mainly for extra B vitamins and iron. FYI all multivitamins [even you, dudes] have 400 micrograms of Folic acid=A very important B vitamin that helps with normal development of neural tubes the first two weeks of conception. I’m taking the Rainbow Light brand because it’s one horse pill a day with a high I have to take food with it.

B-12…because when you’re vegan, it’s always safe than sorry. This one is by Mega Foods- one of my favorite supplement companies. They are from New Hampshire and use local foods to aid absorption of vitamins/minerals and it’s all pressed into tablet form. They still use brown glass jars 🙂

Spectrum Vegetarian DHA- I take about 400 mg of DHA a day because it’s plant based and may have a slower conversion rate in my body. DHA aids in brain health [focus, memory, all that jazz]. This one is sourced from algae and the soft gel is made from pectin. Fish oil converts a tad better because they’ve done the work of eating the nutrient rich algae and converted it to a highly absorbing DHA and EPA [the latter is heart health]. I don’t want to eat fish. The vegetarian/vegan best option is taking lots of algae pills and eating chia seeds. The recommended minimum dosage for prenatal women is about 200 to 250 mg.

Chloroxygen- this is a brand of Chlorophyll that I have really been enjoying. It has helped get rid of a problem I had for about 8 months [hands turning blue due to lack of oxygen]. I think this combination and more Niacin [B vitamin helps with circulation] has aided in better circulation…and better looking hands.

My hairdresser scared the pants off of me when she said copper acts as a spermacide..because Chlorophyll often lists copper chlorophyllins as an ingredient on the back of the bottle. I did some research and what she was referring to was the birth control that’s T shaped with copper wiring. The copper in chlorophyll is not the same as the metal birth control [which by the way is mainly effective due to it’s structure not the metal, theres some kooks on the internet that say otherwise]. This chlorophyll copper is natural minerals sourced from nettle leaves. Nettles are great for pregnancy- they are so rich in nutrients and minerals that often are lacking in the body. Anyhow, whether your a woman or man Chlorophyll is the utmost amazing stuff- it’s like drinking the life force of plants and gives me an extra push of pizzazz in my day. I think it may have given my skin a radiant glow because I am asked every day at work what I’m using on my skin by absolute strangers….or it could be the humidity blessing my face with oily prone skin

I have bought some red raspberry leaf tea that increases fertility and aids in strengthening the woman’s body for pregnancy.

Being vegan I am reading a specific book for nutrients..trying to aim for that golden amount of protein 70 mg and incorporate a diverse amount of food..the more diverse my food, the better acquiring of nutrients.

Michael and I have got our hands on lots of literature and at times reading the material on pregnancy and seems daunting, painful, scary, and uh, why would anyone ever have kids? Gagging over placenta descriptions…we always return to keeping it simple and not make this baby business so alienating or rocket science.

Keep it simple.

And when you get here child, you will have two parents that will jump the moon for you<3

——-end of baby talk————————————–

In general, I’m in this mood of throwing caution to the wind and when I normally would hold back any thoughts or feelings..I’m doing the opposite. I’ll have to be careful my tongue doesn’t get too comfy at work. I’m always the “nice girl” and people really can’t handle my quirks of sarcasm or cynicism ..when I choose to indulge in them.

Oh, Pisces problems.

I had an odd dream last night. I went to a greenhouse and asked for seeds to grow Poppies. The lady led me to the back of the store and showed me a beaten up Poppy plant. “This is all I can offer you,” she said. My eyes widened, “This…But will it grow? I mean will it get stronger and bloom? There isn’t even a poppy on it. Are you sure it will bloom?” The lady was still holding up the plant squinting at it, “Yes, it will grow. It’s still good. It will bloom.” Later in my dream, someone handed me a bouquet of poppies.

I often wonder if my spirit animal is a wolf because I had nightmares/dreams of wolves since I was a child even to college days.